Writing Workshop

Unit 80: Mass Surveillance & State Power

Task (Cambridge C1 Advanced, Part 2)

Question: Your lecturer has asked you to write an essay on the following topic:

"In the modern age, the increasing use of mass surveillance by governments is often justified as a necessary measure to ensure public safety. However, some argue that this represents an unacceptable infringement on individual privacy and personal freedom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion."

Write your essay (220-260 words).

Tips (en español)

• Structure: Para un ensayo de este tipo, utiliza una estructura de cuatro párrafos: Introducción, Desarrollo 1 (argumento a favor), Desarrollo 2 (argumento en contra) y Conclusión con tu opinión.
• Register: Mantén un tono formal y académico. Evita contracciones (use do not instead of don't) y lenguaje coloquial.
• Linking: Utiliza conectores sofisticados para guiar al lector (e.g., Furthermore, Conversely, Nevertheless) para que el ensayo fluya de forma lógica.
• Hedging (Cautela): En el nivel C1, no afirmes cosas de forma absoluta. Usa lenguaje "matizado" como It is often argued that... o This could potentially lead to... para sonar más académico.
• Evaluación de ideas: No te limites a listar puntos. Debes analizar las implicaciones de cada argumento. No digas solo "la vigilancia es buena", explica por qué se considera necesaria para la seguridad.
• Time management: Dedica 5 minutos a planificar tus puntos clave antes de escribir. No empieces a escribir sin saber cómo vas a cerrar el argumento.

Useful language

Model answer

🔊

The debate surrounding mass surveillance has intensified in recent years, as governments increasingly employ advanced technology to monitor their citizens. While some view this as a vital tool for security, others perceive it as a fundamental violation of privacy.

Proponents of state surveillance argue that such measures are indispensable in the contemporary fight against terrorism and organised crime. They maintain that the ability to track communications and movements can prevent catastrophic events, thereby ensuring public safety. From this perspective, the sacrifice of a degree of anonymity is a necessary price to pay for a stable and secure society.

Conversely, critics argue that constant monitoring constitutes an unacceptable infringement on individual liberties. They suggest that once a state possesses such pervasive power, the potential for abuse is immense. The erosion of privacy can lead to a "chilling effect," where citizens self-censor their actions and speech out of fear, ultimately undermining the democratic fabric of society.

In my opinion, while the necessity of maintaining order is undeniable, the scale of modern surveillance poses a significant threat to freedom. A balance must be struck; surveillance should be targeted and subject to rigorous judicial oversight rather than being indiscriminate.

To conclude, although mass surveillance offers undeniable security benefits, it must not be allowed to dismantle the right to privacy. Ultimately, the protection of the state should never come at the total expense of the individual's autonomy.

Marking checklist

• Content: Have you addressed both sides of the argument and clearly stated your own opinion? All parts of the task must be covered.
• Communicative Achievement: Is the tone consistently formal and academic? Does the writing follow the conventions of an essay (e.g., being persuasive yet objective)?
• Organisation: Are the ideas logically organised into paragraphs? Have you used cohesive devices (linking words) to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly?
• Language: Have you used a wide range of advanced vocabulary and complex grammatical structures? Is the language accurate, or do errors impede communication?